So, I'm talkin' to one of my homies yesterday in the Drunk Church Diner, and he's trying to convince me to go to the shooting range with him after the meeting, which I was unable to do. I'm not sure he believes me that I'm a crack shot. Or, I was, last time I did target shooting, which admittedly was years ago.
The conversation moves on, and he starts (again) razzing me on compulsions, while I'm eating some scrambled diner eggs - they were kinda greasy, but I was hungry. And so we start talking about compulsions and triggers, and I cite to him an interesting blog bit I read recently written by a therapist who cited Buddhist thought in a book she is reading that the way to deal with a compulsion is to sort of loosen up the mind and "make room" for it, to defuse it in the extra space of the mind. This, in contrast to putting a tight mental grip on it, trying to "control" it. Which, in psychological terms, sort of agrees with the "turning over" concept, and why it works, when all else has failed.
compulsions obstruct the path by monopolizing consciousness. the hypnotic fascination they exert prevents us from attending to anything else. we behave like a rabbit dazzled by the headlights of a car. not only do compulsions make us lose sight of our goal, they inwardly paralyze us. to escape their grip does not entail suppressing them but creating a space in which they are freed to let them go and they are freed to disappear.
The conversation drifts then to the results of compulsions - the self-loathing that happens when we fall prey to our compulsions. Homie makes the point that at that point he is forced to stop, and forgive himself before he can go any further. I'm still thinking about this, and I think he's right. The self-loathing is a result of the guilt of having fallen. Or maybe, of being a compulsive type, to begin with. Hmmmmmmmm.
I've always thought I was a thinker in life, but I have to admit this is one topic I have never thought about - what are the different types of guilt. I'm not sure it had ever entered my mind that there are distinct types of guilt.
She breaks guilt into two types, a guilt for what we've done, and a guilt for what we are. In the former, there are external rules upon which we have infringed, and rules how to remedy the guilt, to assuage it. In the latter, there may be rules against what we are, but there is basically no way to assuage it. You're screwed. The what-you-are-is-unacceptable guilt.
Now, any non-mainstream groupie here knows the latter guilt, if only on a subconscious level. Minorities know this guilt. Gays know this guilt. Women know this guilt. Religious fundamentalists know this guilt. A whole lotta people know this guilt. The question then becomes, how does having this what-you-are-is-unacceptable guilt affect our lives?
The thing is, this type of guilt is patently unfair. So it messes with the psyche in a big way. That you are guilty, for something over which you have no control. For being what you are, how you are made. We expect fairness. We expect a rational world.
How on earth do we deal with this? You can bet I'm going to be reading her blog, tomorrow.
I don't have time to go any further with this thinking, at the moment, but I throw it out there, for you to think about, too. It's unfair.
-The Traveler
3 comments:
I'd say the guilt for what we are guilt is a pretty good definition of shame.
Really interesting semantic point, Marcus, thank you.
Noteworthy because "guilt" is defined as a noun only, whereas "shame" is defined as both a noun and a verb, an action which can be done by another or to oneself. (according to dictionary.com, that is)
And of the "shame" type of guilt, the therapist points out a fascinating conclusion: those who impose the guilt and those who suffer it are not and never can be peers.
Think on that, people. Hmmmmmmmmm.
Thanks for a great insight, Marcus.
-TT
hi there, traveler, and great to meet your wonderful blog. i'll be cruising yours for sure, too!
by the way, i need to point out that the thoughts on guilt you cite didn't grow out of my own little brain, they were by radical feminist philosopher joyce trebilcot.
are shame and this type of guilt (she calls it identity guilt) the same? i don't think so. shame is a component of this guilt but guilt is a more complex phenonmenon. (i alluded a bit to that here.
e.g. one of the things that's always fascinated me about guilt is its connection with anger. we have a tendency to feel angry towards people who incite our guilt.
joyce trebilcot's idea that "those who impose the guilt and those who suffer it can never be peers" refers, i believe, to people who feel guilty because they're gay/poor/asian or "other" in some way. to be honest, i still don't understand exactly what she means by it. but it's something to ponder on.
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