Man, that AAAY-rush guy is really something. Today he was talking about guilt. This was in the context of a step meeting on the 8th step. (Made a list of people we had harmed and became willing to make amends.)
And the nugget out of his shaky mouth: Inappropriate, dysfunctional guilt happens when we expect ourselves to be perfect.
Sometimes, we are fully willing to make amends, yet are wracked with guilt. He said that once we have turned it over to our HP, and are fully willing to make amends, guilt is no longer appropriate.
We have to acknowledge that we are human, and not perfect, before we can learn to accept and love ourselves. Only then can we love others, and make amends effectively.
Another long-term-sober guy said something I liked, too. That there are different categories of amends, timing-wise. Immediate, near future, out in time, "never-gonna-happen!"
He went on to say that as we clear out the first batch of "immediates," then everything moves a notch. That what were "near futures" move closer to "immediates" and so on. And that in the process, some "nevers" that seem impossibly hard to do at the beginning become possible later on as we progress down the pathway.
We change, as we travel.
Food for thought.
-The Traveler
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I do a similar thing with the categories of the serenity prayer. Check if there are things I have filed under "must accept" than I can move into "might be able to change" and then into "change." The reverse happens as well, from "trying (unsuccessfully) to change" to "work on accepting" to acceptance."
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