So I'm on my way to a meeting tonight. Yes, the second today.
As I drive into the parking lot of the facility - this meeting is held at a significant inpatient rehab facility - I notice a certain je ne sais quoi. The parking lot is full, and I'm early. Whatsupwiththat.
I round the corner to the other leg of the parking lot, and see.
Paramedic SUV. Police cruiser. Ambulance. Blocking off the other parking.
Suicide, is my first thought.
As it worked its way through my mind on the drive home just now, I realized that this disease of addiction takes, and never gives back. It's like having an inoperable aneurysm in your brain - a bomb in your head.
You can't extract it.
It could rupture any time, and leave you dead.
All you have is this 24, so you'd better thank God.
If you get another, you're doubly blessed.
And if you think it's cruel of God to have put that bomb in your head, ask yourself: Would I have drawn closer to Him, without it?
I'll be the first to admit that it seems an all-powerful sort like God should have been able to design a system wherein people were drawn to Him without the need for bombs in their heads. Like I said, He's un-understandable at times. Tonight was one.
-The Traveler
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3 comments:
It's weird innit? Often the only way to touch the important things in life - a relationship with god-as-you-understand-him, real connections with people - is to suffer the loss all those same things. For me, my greatest spiritual growth has come from understanding, accepting and working with the difficulties and hardships in life. Not that I wouldn't love an easy path but maybe there aren't any.
Thanks for your blog. I hope you keep with it.
Thanks for the support, Marc. No danger of my head running dry of thoughts; I just hope the time and energy spent here are worth the lifespan, have some larger value than narcissistic self-indulgence.
Like letting go of God in order to really find him, or surrendering for sobriety, it seems we have to lose things, in order to appreciate them. Or at least face the serious threat of loss. Seems to be a pattern here.
That's why the gratitude felt in the rooms seems to have an enhanced quality to it when compared to that expressed by normies. Just feels that way to me, at least. There's something gut-wrenchingly real about it; it's not just lip service.
-TT
Maybe you have to experience emptiness to fully appreciate being filled with something. I don't knw; I suspect that God figured that we wouldn't appreciate living unless we had to really work at, to search for meaning, to be open to possibilities, to tkae the time to stare into the eye of the universe. Of course, I could be wrong and just talking out of my head again.
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